blog
finally cleaned up the website
2/25/2026, 2:23AMi wish i was talking about this website. but this is a much larger project! i'm talking about my husband's bands one! i made them a silly fan page. i hated everything i did for over a year, but finally got it to a place where i don't hate it. don't get it twisted though, i didnt spend an entire year actually working on it. it was month long breaks, one tiny bit at a time until i actually just sat my ass down for long enough to plan it out and put it together. id show progress pictures but i dont want them to see the light of day.
i mentioned it to the band before, but i kind of refused to let them see it. i dont want them telling me to change it or do something with it, or add whatever. it is a fan page, my page. if they want a website, pay me to make a proper big one or use wix or something. the one i built has six clickable tabs and links. also a chat box too! but that didnt actually take any time.
that sounds mean, but it was a small little project out of love that i dont want them having their hands in. i'm a control freak, what can i say
here's the link to the website! click around!
A long road
4/8/2025, 8:58PMI started lexapro today. i thought i was better than everyone on reddit because i didn't get the horrible side effects. but around 7PM, it hit me like a truck and im laying in bed trying to not throw up. it sucks. but apparently i need to stick with it. it should get better within a week, and hen resolve by week two. i will only feel mentally better by week two or three. i know this is a long road ahead, with therapy mixed in
Tthis blog is me shouting into the void. but if you're reading this, thank you for listening to me.
i feel like a failure for having to take medication. why couldn't i just fix it myself? why am i struggling so badly? what made my doctor see through the mask i wear to try and look happy? i wish i could think like a normal person. but i just cant. the OCD and CPTSD eats away at me and makes me feel like i'm rotting from the inside. but i will get better. i am going to make sure i work and i will be able to leave the house again, one day.
i got married!!!!
3/25/2025its been ages since i touched this website. a lot happened! i got married!!! i got married super quickly, as we needed to do it within a certain time span. it was small, friends only, and our best friend officiated. my boss lovingly allowed us to use the resutrant as the venue for free, and i still fel as if i need to repay him. but it was so wnderful. we are having a family ceremony in july when my mum and brothers are able to make the trip from the UK. Yay!!
my health has been terrible. i'm disabled but still work full time, so that kind of really super sucks. i'm also a whole ass adult who still needs to pay bills, keep upwith friends, family, and overall relationships. and i just struggle with that. i usually sleep when i have nothing to do.
i've been learning chinese for fun to try and stimulate my brain! it's a ton of fun. although,i have been slacking with DND which sucks. it just requires me to put a smile on my face, and the venue the DM uses gives me a migraine for some reason! so i just dipped out for a few months, but i know he doesnt mind!
anixety but make something from it.
1/9/2025, 5:41PMi am just in the process of locking my computer down and making it secure. i don't know why, but i allowed my security and privacy to slip. VPN, secure browser, OS shutup, all now installed and working. i have always valued privacy when it comes to online spaces, and with the switch of government coming up, it is now more valuable than ever before.
i'm sat here with a lot of anxiety about what the future holds for me and my loved ones. all i can do is exist quietly and do as much mutual aid as possible. because of the snow, our unhoused community is suffering far more so i have planned a food drive for tomorrow at a holiday party. no gifts,just food and essential items for the folks in our town. i obtained a list of whatis the most helpful right now and i have made sure that my folks are bringing only that. if one more person insists on bringing an unopenable tin of chopped tomatoes, i'm going to throw a theory book at them.
this is a link to a very good paper on mutual aid. link to accessible PDF i have always struggled with community work, as i am unable to drive and a lot of it requires that where i live. something is better than nothing. don't be an individual. we need a community right now. form one where you are, no matter how small. it will make a difference.
snow day!
1/10/2025, 3:409PMit snowed a ton today. missouri used to have harsher winters and i miss them. ive spent most of the morning and lunch just trying to figure out this whole website thing but my boss called me. he has a big ol' truck that can drive through anything, so i am going to work. no snow days for me!
i'm 90% sure it is just so three of us can hang out in the kitchen and get drunk together. i don't think we'll get any customers today. and my cat is so comfy on my lap as i type this. (his butt is soo stinky though, so im not too upset about the prospect of leaving him lmao.)
forgot how to code
1/8/2025, 12:49PMi used to do this for fun more, and i went to school for it. after six years doing nothing with code or computers in general, it is very hard to re-learn. it's like forgetting a spoken language. im doing this before i leave for work to get the brain going though, and will likely do it after im back. (i work very late into the night)
pics & my life!!
1/8/2025, 11:30AMa collection of pics to get to know me
from top to nottom: morrison (my twelve year old cat) and my partner, me (back in early october 24'), goblin (my four year old cat), my fav place in the world, and my partner and goblin cosy on the couch. we try to live a quiet slow life style with low lights and naps anywhere we can.
we're both mid-twenties and dragging ourselves through jobs to make bills. but we are happy. we play board games together some nights, other times we just sit and watch tv shows together. we've been together for six-ish year. we obtained our cats by just being handed them. they both have feline herpes and i love them more than i thought i could ever love something.
gender
1/8/2025, 10:25AMmy gender is nothing. i am just teddy. i use non-binary to describe myself to older folks and cisgender people. for other trans and queer folk, i say i use they/them and don't wish to have a gender.
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